paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
