I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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