i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize