Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What a dumb baby whore.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
