New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
