Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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