as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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