I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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