id be glad to
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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