i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
