Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
