so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
