please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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