My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
