my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
