i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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