How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
