it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
