Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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