this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
