hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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