Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
