She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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