She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize