Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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