Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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