Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
