Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
