He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
