there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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