TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
