happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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