i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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