Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
