im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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