From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
