Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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