The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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