Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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