I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
