he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
