A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
