You made me cry and you don't even care
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize