Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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