You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this will be a night to untag.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
