tell your sister to shave her snatch
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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