sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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