I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
