Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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