it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
