I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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