my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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