just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
