No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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