its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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