my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
