just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
