benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
