I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
